Calvin and Hobbes
Hysterical Video
Going Away Video #2
Going Away Video #3
Jason Getting Dunked
Jason Getting Catapulted
The Cabinet, Part 1
The Cabinet, Part 2
The Citrus Incident
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"How could you have let this happen? With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How could you? I can't believe this! I just found out I am five weeks pregnant and it is all your fault! Your fault! Well, what have you got to say?"
There is nothing but dead silence on the phone.
She screams again, "Did you hear me?!"
Finally she hears Bill's very, very quiet voice.
In a barely audible whisper, he says, "Who is this?"
Current Music: It’s all quiet now, but I’ve got the music from Gladiator stuck in my head.
Today’s Random Fact: I sweat like a beast.
Seriously, when I workout I sweat like a pig. It’s gross.
So I’ve been working out a lot recently. I’ve got this sudden fascination with looking "so good!" Between that and the tan I’ve acquired this summer, I do look pretty awesome. Now, if only I could get the ladies to ignore the fact that I have a girlfriend.
I forgot to mention something about when I was down in Dayton. On the way to the bar, Jon hit a raccoon. We were on the highway and it was dark, and the damn thing ran right in front of the car! I got really startled (I’m pretty damn jumpy) and I think I screamed like a woman. Definitely not one of my proudest moments.
Another thing from Dayton, or more specifically, the drives to and from there: What’s with the signs on the highway that say "Target Enforcement Area?" Do they really need to spend money on those signs? Shouldn’t the presence of a highway patrol car be enough to clue people in on the fact that they’re checking the speed at which people are traveling? Does that mean I can ignore the speed limit in areas in which they are not targeting? If so, how far from that sign does the ‘target area’ extend? See what kind of problems a useless sign can cause!
So let’s see… Today I saw my cousin’s band play down at Peabody’s . He was pretty damn awesome on the drums. I was really impressed. Lyndz and I also had Rascal house pizza. With that, not so impressed. In fact, I was so ‘not so impressed’ that I had to speed home to the bathroom. Yuck. After that I spent the day running with the dog, playing Frisbee with the dog, bathing the dog, and running with the dog some more. I also worked out (running some more!) with a weird Asian couple who was watching X-men on FX in our gym. Yeah, I’m on a health kick, and like I said before, I sweated like a pig.
Also, tonight I cleaned a bit and did some paperwork. Basically, I played catch-up from the week. My apartment is still kinda messy, but not obscenely so. It’ll do until tomorrow, or at least it better, because I’m hitting the sack. Later, -T-
P.S. Mad props to OddTodd.com! (Look under Homestar on the left side of this page) He liked the A>button I made (scroll down a bit on his site to see it) and he also posted the postcard I sent! (Did I just say ‘Mad Props’? What the hell is wrong with me?)
P.P.S. Timma and I had a short talk about Macs again today. They may be expensive, but they’re pretty. And they’re reliable. In honor of that, I present you with this comic. Goodnight.
Got up because Eric called a few times. We went to Tire Kingdom dropped the car off for an oil change. Went to the mall with Eric and Christina whilest we waited. Got free Panera, a new watch battery, and new cell phone ear piece. Got my car and came home. Went to Best Buy and got two new speakers to replace the blown ones in the front. Didn't have to pay anything because there was a pissed off old man in front of me in line and I smiled a lot. Went to the car parts store and got new windshield wipers and the glue for the rear-view mirror. Came home and talked to Mary-Joe while I attached the mirror and did the wipers. Cleaned out the car, then played with the dog for a long time. Came inside and cleaned everything, including my massive pile of dishes. Now I'm going to do bills and maybe see Lyndz. I leave in the morning for Dayton.
Some things that have been pissing me off lately:
- The way black people say "Bofyall" when they mean "Both of you". That's so ignorant it makes me want to vomit.
- There's a very fat woman who I see quite frequently. She eats a full grocery bag of food in eight hours, it so sick. Once while I was eating lunch I watched her eat an entire bag of potato-chips. The worst part was they weren't her chips. She just found them, opened the bag, and ate them all. She's got serious issues.
- There are a lot of 21 year-olds coming into the hospital to get boob reductions! What's wrong with these women? They have their whole lives ahead of them! Why rush to a decision like that? Big boobs are so nice!
- Johnson and Johnson is doing a campain to get people into nursing. You might have seen the commericals or posters, they say "Be a nurse". I want to steal one or make one of my own that says "Do a nurse".
Okay, that's all. Big update after the weekend! Later, -T-
Well, things are updated a bit around here now. I also updated the links page a lot, but then I think I killed it. It won't update anymore. I might have to start over. Not tonight though, I'm done playing with HTML for the evening. Later, -T-
Current Music: I’ve got an Eminem parody stuck in my head.
Today’s Random Fact: Normally I get zero (0) text messages a day. Today I got three. How odd.
Well, guess what? I’m going to re-vamp the site again. Yup, it’s time for an UPDATE for my UPDATES! I know, you can’t wait.
Today I got up early, showered, ate, and then promptly fell asleep on the couch. I felt like crap yesterday and I really needed the sleep last night. Ah well, the only thing I really missed was the research project I was going to volunteer for (and get paid). Oh well, no big deal. The financial aid meeting I was planning on going to is also scheduled for tomorrow, so I’ll go then.
Work was crazy-go-nuts today. Seriously. I was running around all over that damn hospital. Ah well, it’s good exercise.
Jon’s wedding is this weekend! Even though I don’t have a digital camera, expect pictures. I’ll go over my mom’s place and scan them because trust me, they’ll be entertaining.
And other then that, there’s not a damn thing to tell you. There’s not even a new StrongBad email this week. Yup, it’s just another manic Monday.
Ouch, that was awful. I’m sorry. Later, -T-
Current Music: A top 40 countdown
Today’s Random Fact: Thanks to AOL, Elwood Edwards' voice is heard more than 27 million times a day (that comes out to more than 18,000 times per minute) "You've got mail!"
Oh man, where the hell have I been? Oh yeah, I’ve been busy.
So late Wednesday night (like 4am Thursday morning) I took Lauren to Amtrak downtown to pick up her friends. After we grabbed them, Lauren took us out to Denny’s for some breakfast. Then I came home, read the paper, and got a couple hours of sleep before work. I was tired by the end of the night on Thursday.
Friday I get my ass up early and go to the Red Cross to donate platelets. After all the paperwork and everything they tell me that I can’t give because I’ve got this odd thing growing on the back of my neck. Thanks a lot guys, you wasted a whole morning when I could’ve been sleeping. Saturday I slept in a little, but then I got up and walked the dog and wasted a ton of time on the internet reading comics. There’s this one that I especially like, so I started reading the archives. It started in 1999 and I’m somewhere up to 2001 now. It’s taken a while. I’m such a dork.
Saturday was both Lyndz’s sister’s graduation party and Eric’s graduation/birthday party. I went to Lyndz’s, then Eric’s, then back to Lyndz’s. Overall they were both fun, but having to jump back and forth sucked. Lyndz and I played bartender for a while, and I schmoozed with some of her dad’s people. Oh, I’m going to the Buckeyes’ game on October 18th against Iowa. Lyndz’s guy cousins (they’re all older then me) and I are going on this chartered bus down there. Did I mention they provide all the alcohol you can drink there and back on the bus? Oh yes, this will be a fun time. GO BUCKS!
Back to the story, Lyndz fell asleep over here Saturday night, so I did the normal half-asleep drive back to her place to drop her off. Oh wait, sometime during the week, I think Friday night, I dropped her off really late and she was so tired and out of it that she started yelling at me then started crying hysterically. It was really odd.
Okay, today. Got up and went to church. I actually got there on time! After church we went to her place and fell asleep on the hammock for a wee bit, then ate some lunch and I beat the living crap out of Brad and his friend. Then it was off to the Indian’s game. They lost but we had a great time. I got a lot of sun too, damn was it hot! Lyndz went to work after that and I went home. I took Kitt for a long walk and hosed her off. We played catch for a while and I brushed a soccerball sized amount of hair out of her coat. Yuck. Then I cleaned the condo a bit and visited my grandparents a bit.
Before I go on, I’d like to quote an entry my (former) website. The date was June 19th 2002: "I came home and was going to strip the end-table some more but then decided to pee." Okay, the pee thing was unnecessary, but what I wanted to show was the fact that I started working on this end-table a year ago. The damn thing had layers and layers of paint on it and was impossible to work with, so I left it outside. It got rained on, snowed on, and baked in the sun. In the end the top was peeling away. Turns out there was a plastic-type top on it. Doh! So anywho, I started working on it again today. Maybe I’ll finish it by next year.
While I was perusing my old journal entries I found this:
"[6/19/2002 2:32:45 AM]
I've now gotten myself in trouble two days in a row. Sometimes I'm completely fucking retarded.
"Be careful of your thoughts; they may become words at any moment." - Ira Gassen
Ira Gassen-ly yours, -T-
P.S. Who the fuck is Ira Gassen?"
Man, if that isn’t foreshadowing, I don’t know what is! Hindsight is 20-20 and all that, but I’ve always known my mouth (or in this case my website) would get me in trouble. Actually, I think this was the worst line out of all of it though:
"Work sucked… I got ANOTHER e-mail from one of my bosses about something I "didn’t do", which is impossible, because I didn’t work on the day that I supposedly "didn’t do" what I was supposed to. How fucked up. They are idiots."
And then from the same day:
"Okay, I think I have a stalker. Either that or someone is just really interested in my life, because there’s one person who has been reading every single entry I’ve ever posted. I guess I can’t say my fans aren’t loyal."
The next day I was canned. Hahahaha…
Okay, I’m done for tonight. Enough trips down memory lane for tonight, I need some sleep! Later, -T-
Glenn is on the left Stu, the producer is on the right.
Glenn and his dog Victor It's pronounced "Veeeeeeeek-tor" And that's a puppy.
And now, some other pictures:
An infant born with four legs, three hands, three kidneys and an abnormal liver to a rural Zambian woman two weeks ago, is pictured in Lusaka, July 2, 2003. Doctors at Zambia's main Lusaka University Teaching Hospital said July 3, 2003 the babies deformities were caused by incomplete growth of another fetus and multiplication of cells. They said the baby, whose is yet to be named, would be operated upon and is expected to live a normal life.
And finally, a fun story about The Hulk from England!
Later, -T-
Current Music: "Boys and Girls" by Good Charlotte
Today’s Random Fact: I’m embarrassed to admit this, but I watched "When Harry Met Sally" this evening. And I liked it. A lot. *Shudder*
So, where the hell have you been? I have been sitting up waiting for you to get home for hours! Young lady, I am telling your father!
What the hell was that?
Anywho... So Friday was the Fourth of July. I hope all of you reflected on the freedoms you enjoy from living in this wonderful country. I stayed up all night Thursday doing paperwork and playing the guitar. Then I went to Glenn Beck’s Real American Fourth of July Picnic. It was awesome. Well, to be specific, it was hotter then hell and I had to leave early, but the part that I was there for rocked. He is amazing on the radio and is even better in person. (Shut up, it was that good.) After that I had a picnic here at my pool. Lyndz, Eric, Christina, my mom, and John came over for some hotdogs. After some swimming and eating we got soaked in a storm that lasted all of two minutes. We had a lot of those this weekend. Let’s see, after that I showered and fell asleep to Judge Judy for half an hour, but then Eric woke me up and I went to Shooters with everyone. Then it was off to Hilarites (Pronounced: Hil-air-it-eees) The first two comics were okay, but the last guy was hilarious. I laughed my ass off, and it wasn’t from the two whiskey sours, he was really good. His name is Mike Lucas I waited for Lyndz to get off work and she came over and fell asleep with me. I was exhausted.
SATURDAY! I slept in until after 4pm then lounged at the pool all day. Oh, I also got free food from Eric and cleaned a lot. I cooked some chicken but have yet to taste it. New recipes scare me.
Sunday! I went to church, then to Lyndz’s place. I was going to stain the deck with her dad, but that didn’t work out, so we ended up cleaning gutters. For five hours. Seriously. I’m sunburned and tired as hell, but it was actually kinda fun. I thought Mr. C was going to get himself killed climbing around on the wet roof and having constant battles with the wasps were fun. I found out that I can throw a full can of wasp spray, football-style, up and over a three story house. I rule. Okay, maybe not, but still it was fun. After that I ate some of their food, then came home and showered. Ty called and wanted to see me, so I stopped over there for a little while, then it was back here for the aforementioned movie watching.
Well, now that you’re all updated how about some quick funny stuff?
What do you think God was trying to say?
Q: How many rednecks does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
A: Two. One to mix the dough, and the other to shake the rabbit.
Q: What did the deaf, mute, blind, quadriplegic orphan get for Christmas?
A: Cancer.
Well, that’s all for me. I’m kinda tired and it’s the end of the weekend. That’s really sad. I should be energized for the week! Ha! HAHAHAHAHAHA! What a joke. Ah well, Friday is only a few days away. And you know what Loverboy says: Everybody’s working for the weekend. Or something like that. Later, -T-
Current Music: I had about six songs stuck in my head at once today.
Today's Random Fact: I've had a taste for Japanese Hibachi for about 4 months now.
Yeah, so here I am at work again. It's funny, we can be so busy, but then it just dies. I love the down time though. I still have some work to do, but I wanted to hop online quick and get an e-mail fix. Can you say "addicted"?
Does anyone else randomly remember old TV shows? I was talking to Lyndz and somehow I started to remember all these details about "Eek the Cat". I loved that show! That, Animainiacs, Rocko's Modern Life, Ren and Stimpy, and of course, Southpark. Come to think of it, I love all those 'adult cartoon' type cartoons. They should make a Homestar DVD. I'd buy it.
What else? Um, I was going to do things this morning, but I stayed up late watching Collateral Damage with Eric. It's a decent movie, Arnold was very good as a grieving father. Other then that? Eh, if you want to borrow my DVD, be my guest.
Well, it’s off to work again, but I’ll leave you with this update on the war on terror:
----------------------------------------------------------
U.S. Captures Three More Pokemon Cards
Pikacu, No. 25, Remains Elusive
United States forces captured three more Pokemon cards today, bringing the United States’ collection of Pokemon cards to a total of twenty-seven.
Touring Baghdad today, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld confirmed the capture of Charmander (#4), Charmeleon (#5) and
Caterpie (#10) all believed to be high-ranking Pokemon cards.
Acknowledging that Pikacu (#25) remained elusive, Mr. Rumsfeld was bullish on the prospects of the U.S. eventually obtaining all outstanding Pokemon cards.
"The Pokemon cards are collapsing like a house of Pokemon cards," Mr. Rumsfeld said at an impromptu press briefing at which he displayed an impressive collection of Pokemon cards.
Although Mr. Rumsfeld was careful not to reveal precisely which intelligence sources had led the U.S. to the capture of the three Pokemon cards, he did confirm that all three of them were found on eBay.
As Mr. Rumsfeld boasted that the U.S. would soon possess "a collection of Pokemon cards second to none," nervous European allies worried that the U.S. was unlikely to be satisfied with such a modest goal.
In other international news, President Bush today presented his so-called "roadmap for peace" but then had difficulty re-folding the roadmap and putting it back in the glove compartment of Air
Force One.
© 2003 Andy Borowitz / BorowitzReport.com
So, anybody want a nice WEEKEND UPDATE?
Current Music: "Easy listening rock". It's better then that "easy listening jazz", but it's still really annoying. I REALLY need an MP3 player or a small AM radio at least.
Today's Random Fact: School is really f-ing expensive.
So, what did you do this weekend? Write me a 500 work essay and have it on my desk no later then tomorrow at 4pm.
Oh wait, you want to know what I did! Well...
Friday I worked, and after work Eric and Christina came over. We had some pizza and I cleaned like a mad man. Seriously, I went all out. I didn't go to sleep until after 4.
Saturday I got up and picked up Nick and Ty. They came over my place and we went to GE. The fire department was there. After that it was swim time at the pool. We had a blast. Then I dropped Nick off at the school with my dad and Ty and I played at the playground. After that I dropped him off and got ready for my evening out. I got to Cleats a little after 5 and had two beers with the people from work. Then I switched over and had a whiskey-sour. Then most of the people in the group left and I figured I'd be leaving soon too, but then more people showed up! I had two more whiskey-sours. I left after 9. I came home and started to play the guitar for a bit, but then my dad called and invited me out with him, so I met him at a bar. I had another whiskey-sour there, then we went to a different bar and I switched back to beer. I had two there, then we called it a night. I went home, walked the pup, and fell asleep.
Sunday I was late for church. I got there in time for communion though, so that was nice. After church I went to Lyndz's house and we had some sandwiches. Then it was over to my place for some swimming. We didn't end up going to the pool until after we took a nap, but it was a really nice nap. After a bit of swimming I showered, then we went back to her place and she did. We picked up Lauren and went to the Brecksville fair. The fireworks were nice, and I was really caffeinated. It looked like it was going to rain, but it didn't. We did get some "awesome" clouds and a really cool sunset though. After the fireworks we went back to Lauren's house. Katie and her boyfriend met us there and we sat outside and talked for a while. Lyndz got bitten by a spider so she was in pain. After that it was back to my place for a little nap and some first-aid for Lyndz. Then after dropping her off, it was time for bed.
Today I went to class. During my lunch I started figuring out my schedule for the fall. Um, it's going to be expensive. This really could be a problem. I need to set up an appointment to talk to the financial aid people at Tri-High. I already scheduled a meeting here at work to get some money from them. Like I said, school is expensive.
Well, I'm going to take off now. I'm at work and I want to finish up and maybe get out of here a little early. Later, -T-
